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10 ridiculous kitchen tools
August 20th, 2013
04:00 PM ET

Some kitchen equipment must have been created just so it could get the most hilarious review on Amazon. I’m thinking, of course, of the Hutzler Banana Slicer, and the 2011 review, titled “No More Winning For You, Mr. Banana!” Currently, almost 48,000 people have found this review helpful. It’s followed by the “Saved My Marriage” comment, which compares the banana slicer to the wheel, penicillin and the iPhone. 　　If only I could write reviews like that. Or find kitchen equipment that enables those kinds of reviews. Luckily for me, my excellent colleague at Food & Wine, food editor Daniel Gritzer, is the Simon Cowell of the kitchen equipment world. He took on the task of finding the 10 Most Ridiculous Kitchen Tools. Take it away, Daniel.		1 zillion: 無數的 2 gag: 令人窒息的、塞住 3 wedge: 楔 4 draw: 吸引 5 dome: 圓頂 6 boast: 誇大 7 undertaking: 執行、承擔 8 doomed: 註定的、在劫難逃的 9 skillet: 煎鍋 10 cylinder: 圓柱 11 atypical: 異常的、非典型的 12 kabob: 烤肉串 13 skewer: 烤肉串針 14 pit: 核 15 mealy: 粉狀的
	Hutzler Banana Slicer Let's start with the king of ridiculous devices, the banana slicer that launched a zillion¹ online comments. I thought this was a gag² gift at first (as a gag gift, it’s pretty great!), but it turns out there are companies that actually sell this plastic, yellow, banana-shaped slicer. The best thing about it is surely the now-legendary review on Amazon that starts this way: “For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. ‘Use a knife!’ they say. Well...my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives. ‘Shoot it with a gun!’ Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands...”
	Margaritaville Frozen Concoction Maker If you feel the need to waste away in Margaritaville as literally as possible, you can spend $230 (a bargain from the $425 list price) on this frozen-drink device that claims to shave ice rather than just crushing it. Alternatively, you can buy a good blender and make all the frozen drinks you ever want, plus about a million other things.
	Norpro Lemon Lime Slicer Let’s be clear - this is a lemon/lime wedge³ cutter. If you’re past the point of being able to cut a lime wedge for your Corona, you probably shouldn’t be fooling around with a sharp-bladed piece of kitchen equipment either.
	Paderno Egg Separator Here’s a tip: The best egg separator ever is located at the end of your forearm with five fingers attached.
	MSC Joie Simply Slice Strawberry Slicer This little, bladed device is shaped like a strawberry so you know what fruit it’s designed to slice. Because it’s also a fruit slicer, it’s drawing⁴ plenty of comparisons to the Hutzler Banana tool. One customer noted that they’ll gladly stand in line for the iSlice mini with Bluetooth.
	West Bend Automatic Egg Cooker Covered by a clear plastic dome⁵, this egg cooker boasts⁶ the ability to hard- or soft-boil eggs just by pushing a button. I’m fairly certain that any civilization that considers boiling an egg to be too difficult an undertaking⁷ is doomed⁸.
	Hamilton Beach Breakfast Sandwich Maker This machine makes breakfast sandwiches “in the comfort of your own home.” Something that can also be accomplished using a skillet⁹. But more importantly, how do you divide up that one breakfast sandwich? Because it makes only one at a time.
	Rollie EggMaster Vertical Grill According to the product description of this electric, egg-cylinder¹⁰-producing machine, “Eggs might seem like an atypical¹¹ kabob¹², but they’re delicious right off the wooden skewer¹³.” Which tells you everything you need to know.
	Amco Serrated Salad Chopper You know how a sharp knife never really cuts lettuce properly, making this device totally essential? Yeah, me neither.
	Amco Peach Pitter/Slicer Of all the fruit slicers out there, I think I object to this one the most: It leaves so much fruit behind on the pit¹⁴. Anyone using this should probably stick to mealy¹⁵, out-of-season peaches.